Conversion and Healing | A Protestant Pastor's Journey to the Catholic Faith

In the third and final part of this series, Bishop Donald Hying and Tristan Borland arrive at the heart of the story: Tristan's conversion and reception into the Catholic Church. A former Protestant Evangelical pastor now serving in the Diocese of Madison's Office of Evangelization and Catechesis, Tristan describes the tangible restoration of his faith and three dramatic miracles that brought profound healing and reassurance on the journey.

Transcript

Bishop Donald J. Hying 0:00

Welcome to Things Visible and Invisible, a podcast that discusses life, faith, current events, culture, history, and more, all in relation to Jesus Christ and his church. I'm Bishop Don Hying, and we're blessed again to have Tristan Borland with us, who works for the Diocese of Madison, has been sharing with us the beauty, the power, the pain of his conversion and suffering in his life. And today's episode is all about conversion and healing. Welcome back, Tristan. We're blessed to have you again on the show. Thanks, Bishop. It's good to be with you.

Tristan Borland 0:49

So last last week we kind of left off really at a place of fear and crisis. I was wrestling with um our brokenness and our sorrow and praying about stepping down from my pastorate and trying to trust God with whatever whatever was next. And so I mentioned that I had been meeting with uh some dear brothers that were praying with me. And one by one, these friends came to the conclusion. They said, Tristan, I think it's time that you have to just trust God and it's time to step down. And I was like, I'll do it. I just I need a path forward. And so I began to pray, Lord, if if you give me a job, like I'll I'll do whatever, I'll step down. If you want me to become Catholic, I'll look at becoming Catholic. But I just need something, I need a path forward. And I distinctly remember the Lord saying, You have to trust me. And I responded with, You have to give me a job. And we we went back and forth quite a while. But but but it was really good having these dear brothers who were they knew me and they were walking with me and they were keeping me accountable. And so finally I scheduled a meeting with my lead church leadership, and I met with these godly men, these good men who loved me so well. And I just said, you know, guys, I I think it's time for me to be done as your pastor. And they said, Why? Like, we love you. We we what are you gonna do? And I said, Well, that's just the thing. I don't know. And they said, Well, can we can we take a month to pray about this? And I was like, Well, we can take a long time to pray about it because I have nothing lined up. And so they said, A month will be good. And so we met a month later and uh we came together and they they one by one they said, um, we don't really understand it, but we agree. Maybe it's time for you to step down. And I was so fearful. And the good thing about having accountability, because I think in my own flesh, in my own fear, I would have gone to all my friends and said, you know, that whole thing about resigning, I let's let's not worry about that. I think this is more comfortable, this is much easier. I think I'll just stay put. But I knew that I they would they would look at me and say, is that the Lord leading you? Or is that your fear? And it would have been my fear, but I was so scared. And I was so scared, Bishop, of just hurting people, confusing people. Um, I was pastoring the largest church in our community. And if I resigned and had no job, and I was just, you know, working at the public library the next week, it would everyone would have said, What? Why did you leave? Like what what are you doing? And I my children and my wife, it would just been so confusing. I so I was I I'd like to say I had great faith, but I I yeah, I had faith of a grain of a mustard seed, but I was really, really worried and really concerned. And so on a February night, a number of years ago, I resigned with no plan, no security, nothing in place, and began to put the wheels in motion to me to step down a few months later uh from the pastorate. And it was in that that is like my most fearful brokenness after all that we've been through that our Lord very mercifully began to put our life back together. So I'll I'll tell you the probably one of the most important moments in my life. Twenty-four hours after I resigned, I I didn't know what I was going to do. I was, you know, looking through the internet, looking for jobs, trying to find something. Nothing was coming up. But 24 hours later, I got home late one evening and my wife brought me her phone and she slid her phone across the table and she says, Look at this job that just posted. And it was uh in our area, and we were in rural Minnesota. There wasn't a lot of opportunities up there, but there was a small nonprofit that had just posted a position for an executive director. And the nonprofit was 30 minutes from our house. It was a small lodge and retreat center. And here's what their work was. They hosted families who've suffered the loss of a child, and they needed a new executive director. And I saw this and I I wept. I I wept because it was the first time in like in in six years that I thought, the Lord really He cares, like He's real, He has a plan. I had I was so fearful because I could not figure out any way that this was going to work out. I there was no way that this was going to work out for me. It was just going to hurt too many people, it was going to confuse too many people. And 24 hours later, uh he gave me a position to where we could go and serve those who've suffered great loss. And so instead of like leaving the church with no path forward, we we left our beloved church, these people that we cared about. And instead of it being deeply confusing, everybody was like, Of course that's what you and Jill are gonna do. And so we left the ministry and for uh a season went and served at this lodge and retreat center for people who've suffered the loss of children. And that really uh was one of the more healing moments in my journey, uh, not just healing in the loss of our daughter, but healing in that like God is real and he does love us, and despite the worst of tragedies, he's still has a plan for our life. And so my my wife and I stepped down from our ministry and began to uh to serve those who've who've suffered the loss of of a child. And that gave us a space to where um we could explore Catholicism. And so I told my wife, I said, Look, I don't know if we're gonna become Catholic or not, but God's given us an opportunity. I need to at least be open to this. And so we started going to mass, not every week, but to explore. And for me, uh Catholicism was this great theological tradition, but we had never really practiced. And so we started going to mass some of the time, and we were going to a few other evangelical churches. It was the first time in 20 years that we just went to church as a family where I wasn't in charge. And what was something really beautiful started to happen in my wife's heart because I was definitely farther down the Catholic journey than she was. And she was kind of fearful that what's gonna happen if Tristan really feels like he needs to become Catholic and and I don't, and she was confiding in one of her good friends. Like, what if what if Tristan becomes Catholic and I'm not there? And her friend said, Has God ever done that to you? To where you guys are not in line. And so we started going to mass at St. Francis in Brainerd, uh, Minnesota. And my wife said, after about two months of going to mass, she said, I can't put my finger on it because it's so different here, but this feels like home. And so that opened the door. My wife and I began OCIA and we entered the church that year.

Bishop Donald J. Hying 7:34

It was 2024, maybe?

Tristan Borland 7:37

Uh let's see, 2023.

Bishop Donald J. Hying 7:40

Okay.

Tristan Borland 7:41

No, twenty no, well, yeah, it would have been in 2023 leading up to 2024. Yeah.

Bishop Donald J. Hying 7:45

Just a few years ago.

Tristan Borland 7:46

Yeah. Yeah, we entered Easter Vigil 2024. So yeah.

Bishop Donald J. Hying 7:51

But the remarkable grace, like God gave you this custom-made position, so you take this leap of faith. And here's uh not only a job, but uh almost custom designed for you and Jill in terms of the the pain of loss that you've just gone through and be able to minister and serve to others in that same place of grief.

Tristan Borland 8:12

Yeah, it was it was a gift and we we really enjoyed it. Unfortunately, the the nonprofit, we we knew it wasn't like super sustainable and we tried to make changes, but it was it was struggling along. Um, so we didn't end up staying for more than we committed to a year and a half and we stayed for our commitment. But by the end of the time, we realized the writing was on the wall and we needed to go do something else. But even in that, it was such a grace. Um, we were out of the public eye. There was no scandal in us like exploring the Catholic faith. We entered the church. Our four daughters um entered the church uh three months after us, and so the whole family came in. One of my deepest fears was wounding my children in this process, and there again, God kept our family together and really brought fruit and growth in my children's lives. My older two teenage daughters went from, you know, they just were part of the church and they were loved so well in this really beautiful Protestant church to like now their life is upended. And I was super afraid for their lives of like, what am I doing to them? And yet, what what happened is they started wrestling with their faith at a level that they never had before because they're watching their parents like wrestling with things and and taking a leap of faith, and they just started like blossoming and growing. And so they came into the faith. And uh our our youngest son, we had a baby. I always like to tell people, uh, Bishop, that within a within a month in the winter of 2023, um, we got a puppy for the first time, which was a terrible decision. Uh I quit my job and we found out Jill was pregnant. So we lots of great midlife choices right there. But our youngest son, Josiah, was born uh right around that time. But we were on the journey to the church, but we hadn't become Catholic yet. And so our seventh child was actually baptized before any of us entered the church. So when you're the seventh kid, uh you got to have something. So he was actually the first to enter into the Catholic church right before Jill and I did. Uh what a gift he is. Wow. So so then um we entered the church, and and really then when we closed down the nonprofit, um, it was okay because I I was like, well, the Lord provided last time, and we're just gonna trust him going forward. And so I began just trying to seek whatever was next. And so the God has brought us on such a healing journey. Um, healing not just in regards to the death of Maria, but just a real restoration of our family on this process. And it's been very hard and very difficult, but his his graces have been so good that it just really reassures me. And so when we closed down the nonprofit, I began to just pick up whatever work I could do. Um, one of the jobs was there's a camper company in our area, and they have uh they they sell only to directly to customers. So if you buy one of these kind of specialty campers, you either have to drive to Minnesota to pick up your camper, or you can hire a former Protestant pastor to drive it to you across the United States. And so, so I was like painting houses, I was doing like some side construction work, and then I was delivering these campers whenever I got a chance. And so I called uh the sales guy the the first day that I knew the nonprofit was closing, and he said, Well, I've got one going to the state of Oregon. And so I said, I'll take it because it's good extra money. And so I lined that up. And then and one of my best friends lives in uh Billings, Montana, and I thought, I'll go and see my buddy in Montana. And I was, I told my wife, I'm like, I'm just gonna make it a spiritual journey. I'm gonna go hike the mountains, I'm gonna do a spiritual retreat for a week. I'm gonna sleep in the back of my SUV and just go on a lot of long hikes and just pray. And so that's what I did that first thing that fall is I went west, and it was a beautiful journey. And uh, so I'll tell you another experience. We've had these kind of three miraculous experiences that happened to us in that season of coming into the faith. The first was the nonprofit job that came out of uh, well, out of just God's providence for us. But the second was on my trip, I was alone and walking, and I went into the Grand Tetons and was doing a long hike, and I was praying. I think I was walking about 14 miles, and I prayed and prayed, and I had been praying the rosary for six months at this time. And this is for most Protestants, this is a new thing, right? Of like I'd I had long since reconciled the communion of the saints and the intercession of the saints, and uh that that was never a problem, but having a relationship with the blessed mother is just uh it's an awkward thing for Protestants. And so I was on this long walk. I had been gone for about five days at the time from my family, and I had been praying the rosary and and I prayed to the blessed mother, and I I said, you know, I I don't know what it's like to have a relationship with you, but I've come to realize I have this mother that I didn't even know that I had. And at this point in my trip, I was starting to miss my family, ready to be home. And I was praying for my family, and I said, You know, blessed mother, I miss I miss my family, but but I also miss Maria. And I've never asked for anything, I've never asked for a sign. But blessed mother, if you want to reassure me that my daughter's with you and with the father, I won't turn you down if you give me something. And I prayed this and then nothing happened. And and in my grief, I was always like reticent to ask for signs. And and I think because I don't want my faith to be based on superstition. And as a Protestant pastor, I've done plenty of funerals for, you know, somebody, you know, the Uncle Jerry, who's an alcoholic and he's a terrible abusive person, but as soon as he dies, he becomes a saint, you know, this right. And and so people, you know, like Uncle Jerry, and people would say, like, oh, you know, Uncle Jerry, he was he was such a good man and I miss him so much. And I was worried about his soul, but then, you know, I saw a butterfly, and you know, he always liked butterflies, so I just know he's okay. And I thought, really? Like that's your faith. And so I just never asked for anything. I never asked for a sign. I was almost maybe a little bit closed off to that. So for the first time in my life, I'm alone walking in the Grand Tetons and the beauty of God's creation. And I was like, blessed mother, if you want to give me a sign, give me a sign. And then nothing happened. And I went into Yellowstone, did some hiking this next day. Then another day later, I went and spent uh with my friend and in Billings. And then on the next day, I'd been gone over a week now, I started the long drive across North Dakota to get back home, which is not the most beautiful of drives to get across the state of North Dakota. So I got up in the morning, I said my prayers, and I was driving, and it was just like middle of the day, and I was just passing time, I'm ready to get home. And I was listening to whatever AM radio station was playing in North Dakota. And I was, I think I was listening to like sports talk or politics or something, just to kill the time. And the the show came to a commercial, and so I hit the seek button on my radio and it went to the next AM radio station in North Dakota. And you know how when you hear a song and you hear the first couple, it was the first two notes of a song, and I thought, oh, I know this song. What is the song? But it took me a minute, and then I it struck me it was the song My Maria, which we had had in the video we made for our daughter. She loved that song, she loved the dance to that song. It was a really special song. It was the 1970s uh song that was remade about 15 years ago uh by Brooks and Dunn. And it's just a sweet song about Maria. And so I heard this song and it brought me back three days prior to that prayer in the Grand Tetons. And I and I just I had this sense of both like missing my family, but also a deep sense of gratitude for what God is doing in our life. And so I listened to that song all the way through, and and it was just a good moment. And so the song ended. So I I hit the seek button in my radio, and it went to the next random radio station in North Dakota, and the very first notes of the exact same song began to play on the next radio station. And I I wept, I wept because I was like, this little gift, like this little thing, like I've never asked for anything. I asked the blessed mother for a gift, and here's this beautiful gift, this reassurance that it's okay. And then when that song ended, I hit the seek button again and it was nothing. And the Lord's like, it's never enough for you because you're just such a skeptic, Tristan. You always need more. But uh but it was just this like little gift of reassurance that it's gonna be okay, and that our God is providentially caring for us even in our brokenness.

Bishop Donald J. Hying 16:50

Yeah, the Lord gives us those little signs along the way that just everything will be okay, or yeah, I'm with you, right? Yeah, that's that's astounding. Thank you.

Tristan Borland 17:01

So then I continued to work, I continued to do whatever I could, and I was looking for jobs. I was talking to my priest at this time, and they said, Man, Tristan, surely there's something that's for you. And I'm I'm looking on the internet, didn't really want to move out of the area. We had deep roots in that area, and and yet just kind of the stirring of like what is next, and we're trying to make ends meet. And uh, I got a call right before Christmas that there was another camper uh that was ready to go to the east coast, and so I said, yeah, I could use the extra money, and so I said, I'll take this camper to Rhode Island of all places. And so on a Wednesday morning, I got up and set off at 5 a.m. to head east. Uh, my family is still in Ohio, so I was gonna stop and see my family in Ohio and deliver this camper to to Rhode Island and then come back home and make it home before Christmas. And I set off, and about six hours into my journey, something popped in my engine block of my SUV. And I I'm not a mechanic, but I thought that does not sound good. And so I was checking my gauges and I drove for a little bit, and finally I said, I'm gonna pull over. I pulled over and got gas, looked at my engine block, I didn't see anything. I went to start my SUV and it wouldn't go into gear. So here I am, underemployed, uh struggling to make ends meet, and I'm broken down in the middle of Wisconsin uh a couple of weeks before Christmas. And I thought, well, this is great. Just one of those days. And so at the same time, my my one of my best friends from Montana, uh, the fellow who I had visited, he called me and he said, Hey, Tristan, how's it going? And I said, Well, Mark, I'm broke down in the middle of Wisconsin. Um, but my friend Mark, he's gone through a fair amount of his own suffering. And he's walked with me in our loss of Maria, and he's just a really dear friend. And I said, You know, Mark, in the grand scheme of things, it'll be okay. Just pray something good will come of this. And so I got my camper and my SUV towed to the only place I could get them in, which was in a dealership in Madison, Wisconsin. And I thought, well, a dealership, they're gonna charge me double, but you know, that's me. I'm a penny pincher and I was uh I was underemployed, so I was trying to figure out the the best details. So I get to the dealership, and the dealership says, um, well, we can't get you in today, but we've got a we've got a um shuttle that'll take you to your hotel if you want to get a hotel. So I get a hotel and I'm just standing around the dealership killing time, waiting for my car to get fixed so that I can get back on the road. I'll tell you this detail. I didn't pack luggage because I was just staying in my SUV the whole time. So I'm walking around the dealership in sweatpants, and all of my clothes are in like Aldi bags. So I kind of look like I was a little bit homeless. And and so that so eventually they say, Hey, your shuttle's here. And so I go and I I get in the shuttle, and this young man gets in beside me, and uh we are taken off. The shuttle driver's gonna take me to the hotel and take this other guy home. And this young man says, uh, he says, Are you from around here? And I'm like, No, sir, I am I'm from Minnesota, I'm broke down. He's like, What do you do for a living? And I said, Well, that's a little complicated. I was I was a pastor for 20 years, then we were running a nonprofit, and then we just closed that down. So I'm kind of in between stuff. So right now I'm taking a camper to Rhode Island, I'm doing a bunch of side stuff. And he's like, he said, Oh, oh, you're a Christian. And I said, Yeah, I'm I'm very committed to my faith. He's like, My wife and I are really devout. And um, we actually just moved across town to be closer to our small group community. And I was like, Oh, that's really beautiful. And he said, Do you Tristan, do you have any kids? And I said, Well, we've had seven kids. I said, How about you? He said, I have five children, seven and under. He's like, Wow, you are a busy man. And and we were talking. I said, Well, where do you go to church at? And he said, Well, we we go to St. Maria Garetti. And I said, Are you Catholic? And he said, Yeah. I said, Well, the reason I'm not a Protestant pastor anymore is because my wife and I entered the church last year. He said, Are you serious? He's like, Do you want to come over to my house for dinner? And I said, Well, I don't have any other plans. I don't know anybody in Madison. So this beautiful young couple invites me over to their house. I did say, like, are you sure your wife is, you know, with all your young children, is she okay with you inviting guys who look like they're homeless, like to come over? Beautiful family. We had a lovely time together. And um I'll spare you all the details of the rest of this uh this crazy trip that I was on, but I ended up getting the camper delivered and made it made it back home before Christmas. But but that was just it was it was a beautiful night with this this young Catholic family. And I finished the Christmas season. And then in the meantime, um, this fellow's wife is really good friends with a lady who works at the diocese. And uh Michelle Nilsen, who is currently my boss, Irena, the the mom, said, Michelle, there's this guy that we met. You've got to call him. Like, I Know you're looking to hire somebody at the diocese. And Michelle's like, Really, Irena? Like you met a guy at the dealership. And uh she's like, just give him a call, just give him a call. So, Michelle, in January, I get a random phone call from Madison, Wisconsin. And it was Michelle. And she said, Hey, I heard a little bit about your story. And we ended up talking for a couple of hours. And by the end of the conversation, she said, Hey, I think there might be a position in my office you should apply for. And so that is how I ended up moving my family to Wisconsin, ended up interviewing with you, Bishop. And uh well, it was such a great gift that like I had no idea where my life was headed, couldn't figure it all out. But when my SUV breaks down in Wisconsin, this is the open door for this new transition in our life.

Bishop Donald J. Hying 22:51

It is such a wild tale that only God could have written it. Because you think about all the things that had to come together perfectly for that to happen. It just shows that when we can trust the Lord, He's gonna do great things, but we have to give him the freedom to do it. I remember when Michelle told me, yeah, we have to interview this Tristan. He's just this amazing person. And she told me a little bit of your story, and uh obviously the rest is history, but um what a gift you've been to us. But I think this whole narrative just shows all the twists and turns of human life. And if we keep our eyes on the Lord and our hearts united to Jesus, he is never going to abandon us. He is never going to leave us. And even in the darkest of times, he's working his grace and his purposes out. And he just invites us to trust and to surrender.

Tristan Borland 23:45

Yeah, it's it's it's remarkable. And he's brought such deep healing to us. There was just such a season of living in fear and just such brokenness. And and now I can I can honestly say, like, he's been good. He's been good. It's not been easy. This is a this is a much better story to tell on this side of it, uh, Bishop, than than b beforehand, because there was so much fear and anxiety. But but but he is he is good and he loves us. And uh, I've never believed that more uh than I do now. Uh maybe I can uh I'll close with this uh reflection. Uh one of the horrible things, like there's when you when when our daughter died, there's all these things that you have to decide that you like never thought about. And so we we got a tombstone for her. Like, what do you put on a tombstone for your four-year-old daughter? You know, and you know, she's gonna be buried. And what do we what do we say? And a friend of mine sent me a quote from one of my uh favorite books, um, which is uh C.S. Lewis's um Till We Have Faces. It's maybe not one of his most known books, but one of I think his most beautiful piece of fiction. And it's it's a book that's really dealing with um the problem of evil and suffering. And uh there's a quote at the end of the book as the protagonist wrestles with the injustices of her own life, and um she doesn't know how to make sense of it, and she's like angry at the gods. And she comes to the point of seeing the truth that's been going on despite all of her brokenness. And she ends with this quote, and this is what's on our daughter's tombstone. It says this I know now, Lord, why you utter no answers. You yourself are the answer before your face questions die away. And and that that's what's on our daughter's grave is I I don't know why these things happen, but you, Lord, are the answer. And I I believe that more now than I ever have before. He's truly been good.

Bishop Donald J. Hying 25:42

He's truly been good. A beautiful way to finish, Tristan. Thank you for all this. I think everyone that hears your witness and learns your story will come to trust God more and just see in the twists and turns of their own lives uh the wonders of divine providence. Thank you for all that you've shared with us from your heart and from your life. It has much to teach us. Thank you. Thanks, Bishop.